Because of the increase in the activity of my cancer, it’s not considered stable. Stability is a requirement for the clinical trial. I need to be getting treatment again and cannot risk getting a placebo. Most patients are stable for 2 to 6 months. This had been my hope.


So it’s back to chemo. This time it’s a tablet. I should have far milder nausea. But I’m likely to still have fatigue. And there are other possible side effects like severe rashes. This is a clinical trial too – but with two medications. One is a standard treatment and the other could be a placebo or it could be a new drug.


It should start on Tuesday. It has to wait until I have more scans completed. Prompt appointments are hard to come by and that is driving the wait. 


My aches and pains tell me it’s worsening day by day. The pain is no big deal. This is a very anxious wait and it will be a very long weekend. My challenge during this wait is to manage the anxiety and stress. I know they weaken my immune system. 


Ken is doing all he can to provide comfort and lift my spirits. He hides his own fears and anxiety from me. When I am near him he always has a warm smile and loving look. I gets lots of hugs and kisses… as I always have. Keeping a cheerful under the circumstances takes a great effort. I know it’s for my sake. I still know it’s there. And, I don’t like that he has to guard himself with me. But I accept it for the positive effect it gives.